As I have written before, I am getting married in March. Just a little background, I am 51 years old and have never been married, have no children and am in the first "real" relationship of my life. I want to be married so bad I may be making bad choices right now. Thomas is a good guy but he has some serious issues and I am trying to decide if I am willing to marry him because I just want to be married or if I truly want to marry him. I am completely in love with his family and that is a huge reason for me to want to marry him. They have enveloped me and Lanie into their lives and I truly think that they are just so happy that Thomas has found someone that wants to marry him that they want to be extra nice to me so I don't change my mind. Every time I see Josanna she asks the same question, "Are you two still getting married in March?" Like she expects me to change my mind. It is kind of scary.
Thomas is like a 12 year old boy, just hitting puberty and I don't think he will ever grow up. Some people think that this is one of his charms, and it is for a little while. But that 12 year old boy gets on my nerves. He has the sense of humor of that 12 year old boy, the emotional capacity of that 12 year old boy and the actions of that 12 year old boy. Our bedroom looks like that of a teenage boy and he is unable to keep his stuff picked up and put away. I feel like his mother constantly telling him to clean his room. I am trying very hard to have a grown up room and a grown up relationship but we can't seem to do it. I seem to take on more and more of his responsibilities. I do this to make our life run better but it just seems like I am taking the place of his mother or being his babysitter. He calls it "handling" him but I call it babysitting. He wants me to anticipate and tend to his every need before he knows he needs it and that is just want my last boss wanted and why I was fired. I can't do that, I don't want to do that and I certainly don't want the rest of my life to be babysitting my husband.
So-what do I do about this? How to I let Thomas know how I feel without making this about his failures? Every time I try to talk to him about these issues it turns into "my parents didn't love me as much as they did my brothers", My brothers treat me like I am the "special" child...and on and on. I would like to talk with his Psychiatrist and see if there are different medications for him or if this is the best it will be. And if this is the best it will be then where do I go from here?
I had hoped that he would just get unhappy and leave but why should he leave when he is perfectly happy with having me take care of him? That will not happen so I have to make the decision. Quite honestly we need his portion of the rent to keep this house and his name is on the lease. I think we are pretty much stuck with him until the year runs out and we can take his name off the lease and by then I need to have a decent job that will allow me to be able to afford our half of the expenses. I can do that...my job before was enough for that and I am hoping that the economy will pick up soon and I can find something good.
Such decision I have to make...not fun!
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