When it comes to enjoying the here and now with Lanie, I can do that. I am enjoying each stage she goes through and also keeping in mind that they will not last forever-that goes with the good and bad things. I look back on when we first got her and all the milestones she has hit and surpassed. I remember just holding her, looking at her, kissing her little fingers and toes and wanting to savor every precious moment with her because I was so afraid that someone was going to take her away from me. My life quickly started revolving around her. Everytime I go anywhere with or without Lanie, I think about her. What does Lanie need? What can I get to make her smile? Wouldn't that dress look so cute on her? I can't wait to get home to her.
At dinner every night I encourage her to eat all her dinner. I don't make her clean her plate but I do encourage her to eat and if she does not eat a sufficient amount I put it away and she will eat it later when she gets hungry. She does not like that because she wants a popcicle. Last night she ate very well and she got her popcicle. She was a very happy camper.
She was playing outside for a while and somehow broke the sprinkler. I had not even noticed that she was wet so I don't know how she did it. It seems like things get broken magically around our house. Oh and messes get made magically also. Our house is such a total disaster area right now that I really hate waking up in the morning and looking at it. I clean up everything at night, pick up toys, throw all the stuff away on kitchen counters, put food away or in the trash that has been left out-everything but doing the dishes. I fee that they can be done by the people at home all day long. And then I spend my entire weekend cleaning!
Toni still has not found a job. She hasn't even gone looking again since the one day 2 weeks ago. She has a bus pass that she has only used 2-3 times! She paid $72 for it and it is not being used. What a waste of money.
Ok, sorry for bitchin...back to the original premise of today's blog. I keep dreaming of a better life, a bigger-better house, better car, more money...whatever. I play the lottery about once a week and day dream about all the things I will do with the money if I win. I have a very active fantasy life but I think that is keeping from being happy and satisfied in the now. Or if I just try to be happy in the now will it depress me too much to function? I have always fantasized about bigger and better, prettier and skinnier. Even when I was young I would fantasize about growing up, having beautiful things...and I was always skinnier and much better looking than I am in real life. I think that is why I moved around so much when I was younger. I had "The grass is always greener" syndrome that my youngest sister still has. I don't move around so much now because I know that the grass is not always greener anywhere else. Better the devil you know than the one you don't know is now my motto!
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